It's easy to write in the hard times. Things just flow. Words scream out from broken hearts and onto the page. The good times though, those times it can be more difficult to form the passionate words so easily found before. Right now times are neither good nor bad. They simply are. It might be … Continue reading It is what it is, in case you were wondering.
It's all about the big choices. The choice to continue our education. The choice of which school to go to. The choice of who we marry. Where we'll live. How many kids we have. Our career choices. Our religious choices. Those are the ones that determine the path we follow. Those are the ones that … Continue reading We Are Our Choices
Yesterday I hit publish on WordPress, closed my tablet case down, and continued debating my next move for another minute or two. I wanted nothing more than to stay where I was, laying on my back with my arms up under my head staring at the ceiling fan go round and round. Thoughts ran through … Continue reading Time Waits for No One
I wonder what it is like to live without depression. It must be such a free feeling. I bet people without depression don't even realize how truly free they are. I wonder if my depression affects my mediocre coping skills, or perhaps my very way of thinking causes my depression. I question even my own … Continue reading The Fight Continues
Yesterday was amazing! And this is coming from a girl that's suffering from a recent episode of depression, so you know it had to be good. I lay on the hard bed, my hospital gown comfortably tucked around me. The surgery prep area was bustling with activity. The voices of people much older than I … Continue reading A Moment Inside my Head… I Mean, Day. A Moment Inside my Day.
Squinting my eyes shut I whisper to no one, " I wish I could lose weight." Slowly exhaling a deeply held breath the candle in front of me flickers a moment and then is blown out. I eat my cake, enjoying each savory bite, washing it down with a large glass of Dr.Pepper wondering why … Continue reading Another Slice of Cake Please?
Shaking hands reached to light a cigarette. I looked down only to realize they were my own. The clock angrily blinked it's bright numbers at me. Almost time to go it mocked. I felt my stomach rumble. Begging for nourishment. I had already thrown up once. Impartial to providing my betraying stomach more fuel. I … Continue reading For the Love of God… and Other Ridiculously Obvious Life Lessons
I have to have another MRI done today. I imagine most of you read over that sentence shrugging your shoulders and saying okay. Possibly I'm going to tell you how many times I'll use the bathroom today as well. I know, to you, it's trivial. That one sentence left me staring at the screen, my … Continue reading My Temporary Rant… Because you can’t Always Step out on the Front Porch and Scream.
I enjoy reading posts from older woman who pour out the skeletons of their emotions. The ones that rip right to the truth. The feelings of no longer mattering to a society blinded by technology. No longer getting paid any attention in the grocery store, or gas station, or any other place that for so long in our lives men rushed to open the doors for us. A valid excuse to check out our asses. No longer having the luxury of being so damn naive.
All stories have a beginning, but mine, mine starts even before that. In April of 2016 my husband was diagnosed with Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. At the time, he had a great job in the city about ten minutes away from our home. To have our son in a "decent" school meant that I was responsible … Continue reading There’s a Beginning to Every End