The sun crests on the horizon spilling its orange glow across the field outside of her dining room window. She sits in silence sipping a steaming hot cup of freshly brewed coffee. The dusk creeps into the shadows following the darkness of the night before. She drops her throbbing head into her hands overcome with the thoughts that echoed through her mind from yesterday.
“The results of your MRI show several bulging discs in your neck and a herniated disc in your back that we are unable to fix,” The doctors words were deafening in the small office they sat in.
“We would have to crack open your chest plate and move your heart and lungs in order to reach the injured disc,” The doctors words screamed through her mind.
“Sarah”the doctor said, leaning forward and placing a hand on her knee for emphasis,”Don’t ever let anyone do that to you.”
A million questions raced through her mind all at once. She was hoping to get released for work. She was hoping to hear that she was fine. That it was all in her head. That she was merely being a big baby. That there was no true reason for the disabling pain that throbbed through her back and neck daily.
What did this mean for her? Would it ever go away? Was she resigned to live a life of pain forever? Would it heal? How long would it take? Would she ever be able to return to her job? What about the numbness? The tingling? Would it get worse?
“So, if we can’t fix it, which sounds absolutely awful, what can we do?” She managed to get out of her mouth.
“Sometimes they can heal on their own, so you might not be miserable forever,” her doctor tried to shine a ray of hope on such an unfortunate situation. She was given better pain medication and sent on her way with advice to continue her physical therapy and pain injections.
She drove home numb that day. A numbness that wasn’t from the pinched nerves. It didn’t include the tingling. Just an emptiness as the tears pooled in her eyes and trickled down her face.
Numb, she told her husband what the doctor had said. In the back of her mind knowing he was looking to her to be the healthy one. Numb, she bathed the children. In the back of her mind knowing they were looking to her to carry them into a brighter future. Numb, she crawled into bed. In the back of her mind knowing the pain that tore through her back was not all that kept her tossing and turning that night.
How could she be the glue that held it all together, when she was literally falling apart?
She took another sip of her warm coffee. Staring out the window at the beginning of another crisp autumn day. A new day was upon her and she had a choice to make. A choice that was difficult to convince her already set subconscious.
She had a choice to submit to her pain and struggles. To succumb to the fact that she may never heal. To throw in the towel. To simply give up.
She had a choice to overcome her obstacles. To find hope in the idea that she may heal. That it can get better. To strive to heal. To push on.
She lifts her head from her hands as the birds begin to chirp their sweet song that is carried across the morning breeze. The colorful leaves float effortlessly to the ground. The warm sweet coffee flows smoothly down her throat and into her stomach. Her mind races through the thoughts of the doctors deafening words that echoed through her world. Depression threatens to suffocate her. The sun crests on the horizon spilling its orange glow across the field outside of her dining room window.
The dawn of a new day brings with it a glorious opportunity. It brings a chance. A chance to make a new choice.
Determined, she makes a choice.