When You’re Not Part of the Solution, Don’t Become Part of the Problem

I awoke with a horrific migraine. My eyes hurt, my neck hurt, the front right side of my head ached with a magnitude which threatened to explode my brain matter across my unmade bed.

Stress headaches. Over the years they had come to be by best friend. They knew every inch of my head, and I knew them all too well also.

I had tossed and turned the entire night. I felt badly that I couldn’t give what Sis was asking of me. I couldn’t give her the forgiveness, the love, the laughter that I so easily gave away. It wasn’t that she had truly done something so entirely sinister in and of itself, it was simply that she had become the straw that broke the camels back.

I just so happened to be the camel, and if my throbbing head were an indication of the pain I was in, my back had been broken.

I’ll be honest. I am not perfect. I am not the perfect wife. Not the perfect mother. Not the perfect stepmother or grandmother or daughter or sister or friend. My house is not perfect. Nor is my husband or my kids. My life, is NOT perfect. But, I did a pretty damn good job with the cards I was dealt.

Over the years I’ve sat back and swallowed the injustice and pain of the things that have been said about me and mine. The snide little remarks, the small spiteful actions, the irrational fear of judgement. The injustice, the remarks, the actions, the fear, the pain, it wasn’t brought upon by strangers, but by my very own family. Finally, my back broke and this is what I should have said all along….

If it does not affect you, then you have no right to have an opinion.

Plain and simple. You are not financing the repair of my home. You are not helping to install the windows or fix the porch or replace the walls and flooring. You are not paying for any of this to be done. You do not have to live under this roof. If you are not helping than you do not have the right to state an issue with it.

Plain and simple. You are not at my son’s parent teacher conferences. You do not drive him to and from school every day. You do not sit down and do homework with him every night. You do not hold the responsibility of making decisions about his education. He is not your child. You do not have a right to state your opinion of his intelligence.  You are not helping, so you have no right to have an issue with it.

Plain and simple. You did not provide my child’s diapers. You did not spend months and months potty training her. You did not wash her bedding nearly every day when she had an accident. You did not take her to the doctors inquiring if there was a medical reason she was not potty training at a “normal” rate. You do not have a single reason to state your negative thoughts of my child and her intelligence. You are not helping, so you have no right to have an issue with it.

You spend so much time looking at the problem, the problem you really know nothing about, that you don’t ever see the positives. You don’t see the four year old girl that is fully potty trained, knows all her colors, can do simple addition and subtraction, knows half her shapes, all her animal names, her full name as well as all of her immediate families full names, and a multitude of other information she has learned. You are not here. You are not teaching her. She is not your child. She is mine. She is not “stupid” or “slow” or “behind her peers” because she didn’t go to preschool.

Even if she is “stupid” or “slow” or “behind her peers” It is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS to talk shit about. She is not your child. She is mine. He is not your child, he is mine. My children. My stepchildren. My grandchildren. My husband. My house. My car. My life.

You speak negatively about everything and everyone. Do you think you’re better? Because, you’re not. You were not perfect and neither am I, neither are my children, or my stepchildren, or my husband, or my house, or my life.


If you are not helping than you do not have the right to state an issue with it.






Categories: 2016

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

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