I’m a blogger. I’m sorry. It’s just what I do. Wait, no, that’s not right… I’m a writer. There that’s better!
Some of us go out to the garage and work on our trucks or cars. Some us of grab the game controller and battle it out. Some of us take a long hot bath, read a book, take a walk. Some of us pop our headphones on, blaring our music, tuning out the world. Some of us paint. Some hike. Some…. some just write.
We all have a method of escape. A center to our sanity. This is mine, because I’m a writer. Wait, no, I’m a blogger. It’s just what I do.
So… to wrap up all my virtual worlds into one… (Facebook, SparkPeople, WordPress) Yesterday I was having yet another break down. It seems. No, it doesn’t seem, it IS. Every time I begin to feel like one medical issue is improving, I am thrown into the depths of another one. Anyone can understand how completely frustrating this can end up becoming. They’re not even simple little issues, they’re BIG issues. Life changing issues. Disrupting my ability to function in daily life issues.
Long story short, yesterday when the pain got so intense, and I looked around at my little world at all I WANTED to do, to accomplish, and couldn’t… I broke. It started with a hot bath to try to ease my severely aching back and neck, but within moments of being alone, the tears poured down my face faster than the droplets of water spewed from the tub faucet.
I was having a moment. It happens….
So, I pouted my way to bed feeling miserable and holding as much of it in as I could possibly bear and finally, with the help of meds that I’ve needed for a month, fell asleep.
Today, I woke up to a new day. No, the back and neck pain was still there. The nagging headache was still there. The frustration was still there. But, I realized something. I realized that I can’t change the fact that the accident happened. I can’t change how it is medically affecting me. BUT, I could change what I am focusing on. I can chose to focus on being bitter or focus on being better, but not both.
Obviously, focusing on being better is a FAR more appealing option!
In light of that, I hopped back on a website I used in the past when I made some HUGE lifestyle changes and lost a bunch of weight and was really healthy and active and all that good stuff. And… I started over. Of course, with a blog post because, that’s just what I do. LOL.
Starting Over Isn’t Really Starting Over!
Wednesday, August 03, 2016
I think that might just be the 1,000 time I titled a blog post ‘Day 1’. That’s okay though. This time I have lots of new experiences and lessons learned to guide me through a successful (and permanent) lifestyle change, including my past attempts!
If you happen to be finding me through FB, I’m super glad that you reached out and found me! I know it’s pretty hard to friend people we know in real life on these things. We all love to brag about the weight we’ve lost, but the journey and the set-backs can be a bit more embarrassing to discuss. It’s cool, we’re all in the same boat. Now, we can paddle up river together!!
If you’re finding me through SparkPeople, please reach out and connect with me! I’m starting to sound a little desperate here, but maybe I am. A strong support system is the foundation of any great change. I am setting out to make monumental changes, and I need every single person who is willing to be a part of my support system.
The more people we have paddling together, the easier the ride up this river will be!
In light of my new Day 1, I must explain what led to the steps to my return to SparkPeople and ultimate reasoning behind the goals I will set. (Plus, it is unspeakably awesome to look back at these posts in days, weeks, months, years and see how far we have come!)
A month ago, to date actually, I was in a very bad rollover car accident on the freeway. My mother in law, my husband, and myself were in the car. Thankfully, the kiddos weren’t with us AND we all walked away relatively unharmed. Responding police and paramedics both stated that it was a miracle/inconceivable that we lived through what we did. That’s the good news.
The bad news is that, although we were so very lucky, we didn’t walk away completely unharmed. Skipping through the last month of doctors, ER’s, specialists and all the medical crap I’ve dealt with… I am currently dealing with post concussion syndrome, post traumatic stress disorder, stage 2 hypertension, and severe neck and back pain (was recently told there were signs of degenerative disc disease and am being referred to a neurosurgeon for better treatment/diagnosis.)
Now, I’m a Google-r. How I ever lived without Google is beyond me! With each diagnosis I have Googled what it was, how it’s treated, and most importantly, what I could do to better get through it.
Though I fully believe that each condition/diagnosis/issue I am having is directly related to the accident, since I didn’t have such severe issues before the accident and suddenly do logic would lead anyone to conclude the same. But, there are lifestyle changes with nearly every diagnosis you get that will put your body in a better position to heal, or at least age much more gracefully than I appear to be.
Oddly enough, I noticed a common theme while Googling these various diagnosis. I noticed that, aside from the obvious following up with doctors, specialist, therapy’s, and such, that the best thing YOU can do for yourself is…. quit smoking, lose weight, drink lots more water. I am beginning to believe that if I looked up ‘broken toe’ it would suggest that I quit smoking, lose weight, drink lots more water… But… It’s not like it[‘s exactly bad advice either. I also need to work on lowering my sodium intake and my caffeine intake, which are both likely far greater a daily amount that they should be.
So, that is what inspired my Day 1… again. Lol.
Since moving from the city to the country (about 3 months ago) I have lost a total of 22 pounds. Which is AWESOME!!! But, weight loss is not even close to what it’s all about. It’s about being healthy, which I know in my heart I’m not doing the best I can with. In fact, I’m not really doing anything about at all…
My recent diagnosis’, as well as the car accident itself, has impacted so many different areas of my life I wouldn’t even have time to go into them all. Most of them, negatively. But there was one part it impacted in a positive light.
I am ALIVE! This one body, the only body I get, made it through an accident that should have killed me. Should have killed all of us. It didn’t! But, due to the accident I’m suddenly developing all of these lifelong illnesses that are typical of aging, though I’m not even 32 yet. (The stages/progression of these illnesses is typically at a much, much more advanced age than I am.) And it got me thinking… fearing actually…
If, at 31, I have stage 2 hypertension and degenerative disc disease, both to the severity that it is affecting my functioning through daily life, how much worse will I be in 5 years? 10 years? 30 years?
If at 30 (so to speak) I am developing issues that I should be dealing with in my 60’s, how awful are my 60’s going to be?! Will I even see my 60’s?
I’ll be honest. At first, this was the most depressing thought one could think. I was angry and bitter and depressed. (The other driver was found 100% at fault. Though, financially, this doesn’t matter one single insie tinsie bit)
I always wore my seat belt. I never drank and drove. I never texted and drove. I paid close attention to the road. I drove according to weather conditions. I did everything right…. yet, MY life was the one being flipped upside down. I was getting diagnosed with life long battles. This accident had ruined me!
Yes, I completely understand AND agree that so many others have gone through so much worse. This does not in any way, take away from the physical, emotional, and mental crud I’m battling through. This took me a long to understand myself and to stop beating myself up for having a hard time.
Anyway, so I’ve got this crud I’ve got to deal with and… I’ve got SparkPeople, and all of you, to help me through it. To reach our goals together!
I have to start small, which is definitely a first for me. I’ve always went all out and quickly lost the weight or gave up. Either way, I ALWAYS pushed hard. This time, I can’t. I can’t physically do much because of the pain in my neck and back due to the degenerative disc disease, or whatever they figure out is going on for sure back there. Due to the post concussion syndrome I sometimes, about once a day, get bad headaches, light headed, nauseous, and so on. And, the PTSD can make positive movements forward a bit more strenuous. But, doing nothing will only make me worse!
I joined a very appropriate challenge to help me with my own personal challenge of starting small called (and you won’t believe it!….) ‘The Small Start Challenge.” Lol.
Today, I am supposed to tell one person about my goals (see if I had some Spark friends this would be easier! Haha.) This is a good place to start anyway, as I’ve learned from past failures, I mean, lessons! It is also extremely beneficial to find your “reason”. Whether you realize it or not every goal, choice, decision we make in life has a reason as it’s foundation. It only makes sense then that, a strong goal has to have a strong reason. So, here goes…
My BIG Goal: to be healthy, in every sense of the word. A healthy weight, a healthy activity level, a healthy diet, a healthy mind set. Take small, but consistent steps forward. Focus on recovery!
My BIG Reason: Because I’m lucky to be alive, now it’s time to start living. I have no choice over the ailments I must now deal with, but I do have a choice in best preparing my body to deal with them! I LIVED! It’d be nice to be able to actually have a life without the daily aches and pains that are keeping me from functioning. And, ’cause the last 30 years went by pretty freaking fast… I can’t fathom how quickly another 30 will go by, but it’ll probably be quick enough that my next wake up call will likely be too late.