There are times when I don’t realize that something is bothering me as deeply as it is until I try to talk about it.
When I saw the doctor, (for those that have been following along it was actually the nurse practitioner whom I thought was a doctor at the time), I explained what had happened and what I was experiencing. (Mostly.)
By now I had gotten quite rehearsed at briefly stating what factually happened during our accident and listing the chief complaints I was experiencing. It’s pretty easy to tell a doctor that “I was in a bad rollover accident on the freeway on July 3rd, I am still having bad headaches, ear pain, neck pain, dizziness, and nausea.”
The facts, they are easy to repeat, even if I need to have them written down because I literally go blank when trying to answer simple questions.
It was the simple, “and that was nearly 3 weeks ago, I should be over it already,” that threw me off.
I legitimately teared up. I’m sure my voice probably cracked, though I can’t remember for sure. I had been referring to the physical issues I was having, but I knew I meant so much more. Apparently, so did the nurse practitioner. Long story short, it was her response that inspired the recalling of these events….
“Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, and we continued discussing the facts.
I can handle the facts.
I’m naturally hard on myself. I think most of us are. That’s how we push ourselves to excel… isn’t it?
Get over it already! It wasn’t THAT bad! You lived! Pop some painkillers and move on already! Quit being a sissy! Blah! Blah! Blah!
It’s not just me. Come on, I know it can’t be. I can’t be the only one that thinks I’m weak for having emotional issues since my accident. I can’t be the only one that thinks I should just snap out of it and be okay. That I should just get back on the saddle. That I should just eat less shitty food. Just exercise more. Just hit the gym more often. That if I could just be smarter, faster, stronger, that I wouldn’t be ‘whatever the issue may be’.
We all tell ourselves this. We are all so hard on ourselves.
At work there was a line leader nearby the line I worked on. I never saw this line leader.
Boy did I hear her though.
She was constantly harping on her workers. Work harder, faster. You’re not even hitting numbers. This is unacceptable. Push those boots. It wasn’t even just her words, but the very way she said them. Downgrading. Insulting. Yelling. Negatively.
On more than one occasion I thought to myself, “damn, if that were my line leader I would have walked out a long time ago.”
I get that we all need to be pushed. Really though, the majority of employees push as hard as they can. They are doing the best that they can. The ones that aren’t, usually get weeded out pretty fast anyway.
So… why all the harshness?!
My line leader on the other hand, was awesome. She congratulated when we were doing awesome.She motivated when we were doing poorly. She was firm, yet kind. And… we busted ass for her. Our boss was also firm but kind. She took no nonsense, but she was gentle in her words, and we busted ass for her too.
Without a doubt in my mind, I would not have been the worker I was, had I not had the superiors that I did. In and out of the workplace environment, this is just how the majority of us work.
Probably, about as much of the majority of us that are naturally hard on ourselves….
Sometimes, I think we NEED to be motivating to ourselves. We need to tell ourselves that we can do better, that we can push harder, that we can keep going. We know these things, but sometimes our inner voice needs to motivate us to keep pressing on. To encourage, not to insult.
Other times, we need to calm the fuck down and be nice already! Otherwise, we might just end up quitting on ourselves as quickly as I would have quit on that line leader.
If you appreciate me, I will move mountains for you. Can you imagine the power of possibility if I appreciated myself?!
What about you? What could you do if you truly appreciated yourself? How high could you climb if you motivated yourself rather than put yourself down?
I challenge you to write three things daily that you are proud of yourself for. Three things that you achieved. Three things that you did well. No matter how big or small you believe them to be, write them down.
Even the smallest steps forward add up to big progress.
- Made beds, vacuumed, and am getting laundry done!
- Took a deep breath when my daughter changed her clothes for the fourth time… while I’m still doing laundry!
- Began looking into things I could be doing myself, naturally, to combat my post concussion syndrome, PTSD, and high blood pressure so that I can be my healthiest me!
~~I can’t wait to hear about your three accomplishments in the comments below!~~