I leak my beliefs out often in my posts. I believe that people are naturally nosy. I believe that God exists. I believe that there is more good in the world than bad.
I don’t discuss my own beliefs to push them onto others. You can take ’em or leave ’em as far as I’m concerned. You can question them. You can argue them. (Although I’m not a fan of confrontation, so like, argue nicely please!)
What I’m trying to say is, that they are MY beliefs. I totally get that not everyone agrees. I LOVE that not everyone agrees. But, there is one belief that leaks out that I feel very strongly about, but also occasionally feel guilty about stating….
That is, the belief that marriage is forever.
Marriage IS forever. What I feel guilty about is the unspoken, yet very much implied, negative opinion this may present to those whom have gotten divorced.
I know plenty of people who have divorced. In fact, my own parents divorce was finalized six weeks before I was born and… it was likely the best thing they ever did for me. (Ya know, other than the, uh, deed of procreation that allowed my existence.)
My parents were NOT healthy together. Had they stayed married, simply because marriage is supposed to be forever, I would have had an extremely different childhood. A much, much, much more horrific childhood. Of this, I am sure.
Now, I’ve also stated, or have leaked, other beliefs I hold pertaining to marriage. Beliefs such as…
“Well yeah, if you get married the day you turn 18 you’re more than likely going to get divorced.”
“Well sure, they married ’cause they had a kid together, of course that shit wasn’t going to work.”
“Okay, so they knew each other HOW LONG? A year, two? Yeah, we’ll see them divorced before ya know it.”
Though I have NEVER said this about anyone. I’ve never even thought it about anyone. Not any one individual anyways…. It probably does come across that I believe negatively about people whom have fallen victim to these circumstances.
I do think that people (in general) marry too young, too soon, and for the wrong reasons. Naturally, these marriages end up not working out. When, had they just waited, they would have had a far better shot at happily ever after. (Notice, I said a far better SHOT, not a guarantee.)
I also think that people (again, in general) give up far too easily. The first signs of trouble and they are gone quicker than a single wide trailer in a tornado.
Divorce is simply too readily available as an option. And annulments! Come on, seriously, what is that about?!
From my understanding, in order to meet the eligibility requirements to get an annulment you can only be married for a very brief amount of time, otherwise it’s a divorce. After an annulment, the marriage technically never even happened.
Just why? Why was something like that ever created? Why was it even NEEDED to be created?
Yes, I also know people who have gotten annulments as well. I think absolutely nothing negative of their reasoning or of them personally.
Just, in general, as a society, what in the hell people?!?….
Now, here’s where my leaked beliefs become an issue. They become an issue when I have friends and family that I care deeply about whom have gotten divorced and I don’t share ‘I love my husband’ memes, or I don’t ask them if they’re okay while they’re going through the heartbreak of divorce, or I don’t do this, or I don’t do that for the SOLE reason, that I know they probably know how I feel about marriage in general and I don’t want them to think what I’m saying or sharing or asking or doing is implying that I think negatively about them personally as an individual.
So, I’ve had this internal conflict that has gone on inside of my head and heart for quite some time now; how to be loving and supportive of MY marriage and MY beliefs, while also loving and supporting the very people who have broken ‘my beliefs’.
Then there’s the fact that I’m also, totally being a hypocrite. Why? Because, I’m no angel. (Believe it or not, right?!) I’ve not even followed all of my own ‘rules of marriage’. So, what makes me so high and mighty to even state my own beliefs, that I myself have contradicted?
To make a long story short… THIS is why I rarely discuss my marriage. Why I have never written that post I was asked to write about how my husband and I met and how we got to where we are. Why I don’t often state my strong beliefs about marriage. Why, I just don’t go there.
Because, then you’ll be able to add everything up. You’ll do the math, and you’ll realize, that everything I leak into my posts that I believe, isn’t how it all really worked out for me.
For this very reason, I don’t think one ounce of negativity towards people who break my rules of marriage. I’ve broken my rules of marriage. Sometimes, shit just happens.
I don’t even think that marriage is the absolute, must never break, type of commitment.
There are some times, some situations, that it’s better just to get divorced and walk away. Granted, a good chunk of these situations could be avoided if people waited or got married for the right reasons, BUT, not all divorces, not by any means, would have been avoided if ‘all you people’ would just follow ‘all my rules’.
I can’t even tell you for a 100% fact that I even got married for the right reasons… I just happened to be lucky enough to have ended up in the right marriage.
Marriage is forever… but just because yours failed, does not make you a failure.