It’s been ages since I’ve written. Every so often I’ll toss a post out among the haystack of the WordPress reader. I’ve noticed along the way that I’ve lost many readers, and in a small way this saddens me. I hate to see you go, really, I do. After all, who doesn’t love readers?
I remember not too long ago when this blog was the center of my world. Surely, you remember too. I would type out three to four posts a day. I would have a backlog of scheduled posts that was so long, by the time the post hit your reader it was long since out of my mindset.
I remember the days of doing multitudes of Blogging U assignments to become the best of the best, well at least the best of my best. I still have a slew full of assignments sitting in my email inbox awaiting me to get around to. I had goals and I had dreams and I was going to turn this blog into the next best thing that hit your webpages each day.
Oddly enough, this blog wasn’t the only thing on my list of dreams and somewhere along the way my other goals overshadowed this one.
The other day I read a meme while scrolling through my Facebook news feed. The meme went something similar to “blah blah blah, you’re not tired. You’re uninspired.” And how very right it was. I knew it the instant I read it. It clicked, just as things click that you’ve learned along the way and simply never put into words.
Months ago I was tired. I was always tired. I woke up tired. I went to bed tired. I drank coffee till the cows came home, yet I was still, always, tired.
Then, something changed. I know I’ve written about it along the way. Tossed a breadcrumb here and a breadcrumb there. I’ve hinted at the fact that I was refocusing my life. I was on a mission. A hardcore mission to discover my focus. And, in many ways, I have. I know where I’m headed. With college. With life. With this blog.
A few months ago a random family member would ask what I was going to college for. My typical offbeat response would be “the student loans.” They would laugh. I would laugh. But deep inside, I wasn’t really laughing because my offbeat joke was anything but kidding around. In all truth, that was the only thing I was going for, and I knew it. I never wanted to go to class. I would trudge through the assignments. Luckily for me I naturally get good grades, because there was absolutely no amount of motivation to drive me to do well this semester.
Then I finally figured out what I wanted to accomplish. I am going to college to get a business management degree with a specialized focus on entrepreneurship. Suddenly, things began to shift on their own. I quickly, and effortlessly signed up for next semesters classes. I am even excited for them to begin. I awoke each day with a motivation to accomplish things. I mean, even the littlest things such as cleaning house and running errands.
I had purpose and suddenly everything I did had purpose too. I was no longer tired. I was inspired. And it all clicked.
Now comes the interesting part. My blog, it just doesn’t have the magnificent pull it once did. I am saddened to see my readers go. My view count diminish magnificently. But, it’s not really the end of the world. It’s not as though I didn’t see it coming. After all, what were you really going to come here to read when I wasn’t posting anything to be read. My blog does not serve a single purpose in any of my big picture goals. It won’t impact them in anyway. Except for maybe taking the time away that I could be focusing on more, hmm, constructive tasks.
My blog has become what it always was, simply a hobby. It has no significance other than casual enjoyment. I enjoy blogging. Why? I’m not so sure. Maybe I just like hearing myself talk, or type I guess would be the proper analogy. Maybe I just like validation that I’m not completely crazy, or at least not enough that I’ll be in a “hug myself” jacket anytime in the near future. Maybe I just enjoy the art of writing, of painting a picture in your day with my words. Maybe it’s because being a writer isn’t my dream career, it is merely a hobby that I use to escape.
Maybe, because I am just like most bloggers whom the desire to write is simply written into their blood.
It is just what we must do, whether we make it our do all end all inspiration in life, or merely a hobby that we occasionally feel compelled to partake in.
So it’s okay if it’s a post here and a post there, because it’s our blog to be constructed and inspired as we feel fit. So what if the cat could have written a better blog. Sue me.