This past week we have dived into the story about Miranda figuring out what ‘being in love’ really feels like. Of course, we must take a break from her promiscuous adventures for an “I Made it Monday” post. Aside from the weekends where blogging takes a backseat to my devotion to family time (in other words, locking myself away from family to complete household chores and cram out the homework I hadn’t completed over the week).
So on this Monday, as I reflect on the past week, I know that it has been an interesting one for me. As I’ve written Miranda’s story, calculating the actions and reactions of the characters, twisting and turning and contemplating what the end of her story will be, I’ve also been thinking about what I want the end of my own story to look like. How specific actions and reactions have led me to where I am, but more so, which ones truly leave me feeling… alive.
Do you know the feeling? The feeling of being alive in every sense. The feeling that you are no longer just going through the routines of your day but are taking purposeful reason in every action. You are behind every action. There is nothing automatic. You, are alive.
That’s what I want. That, is how I want the end of my story to look like. No matter who I am with, where I am living, what life is throwing at me, I want to feel alive. To wake up each day with purpose.
I think to do that one must truly evaluate where they are and why they are there. Take for example my college. I am 31 years old and still in college. Now a days you can get away with such behavior. Tons of adults return to college. In fact, I ‘adulted’ right into the age of adults returning to college. As the recession hit, millions lost their jobs, thousands of adults flocked back to college to earn a second degree, to start over in a second career. And there I was, an eighteen or nineteen year old sitting in class learning that going to college as an adult, an ‘aged’ adult, was okay.
Herein lies the problem. I am not a returning student. I am not completing a second degree to re-enter the workforce and begin my second career. I am 31 years old still deciding what I want to be when I grow up. I am stalling the inevitable. I am trying to stop time until I figure it all out. But time, it stops for no one. Not even me….
So, I’ve got to make a decision. I have got to decide what I am going to college for and make all this homework cramming worth something. Mostly though, I need to finish and step out into the world with a degree in hand.
My reason for telling you this is to show you that we need to reflect. We need to know why it is we are doing something in order to correct it. Why are we drifting through college undecided? Why are we waking in the morning dreading going to work? Why are we hiding from our families to complete household chores and homework?
Nothing we do is by accident. Miranda didn’t leave John and begin dating Rich by accident. Though she may not have realized it at the time, she made a purposeful decision based off of her true feelings. Her true desires.
A year or so ago, as I was contemplating going back to college, my husband said something to me that really stuck. You see, a college degree is more of a thing I need to cross off of my list of how to achieve a successful life. It truly has nothing to do with the job that can come after the degree, which is likely another part of the problem. It has more to do with my feelings of achievement. It is something I feel needs to be crossed off of the list.
So there I was a few years ago, wanting to sign up for college, again. But I didn’t. I missed deadline after deadline because I didn’t know what I wanted to go to college for, I just knew that I wanted to go. I wanted to finish. So my husband says to me, “By not making a decision, you are deciding.” At the time, it was ironic to me how much of what was going on inside of my head his advice applied to. Despite other conclusions I’ve made about what comes out of his mouth, this one had a valid point.
In everything there is a choice. Every move we make. Every breath we take. Every action has a reaction. Just imagine for a moment that we truly understood the power in that. The power in knowing that every single thing is OUR choice. Nothing we do is because we have to do it. That everything, every single thing we do in each and every day, is a choice that we make. That we have the power to decide. That very power, may just be the secret to feeling alive!
So… what do you choose?