Because Two Can Keep a Secret, if One of Them … Doesn’t BLOG!

My blog, is in essence, a reflection of me. It tells hidden (and not so hidden) stories of what I have experienced. I appear to be tellingΒ you how to react or feel or respond or believe, but in truth, I am really telling me.

When speaking of my life, it is really hard to not speak about the people in it. I didn’t get through this life alone… after all.

After the post about my abortion gained as much attention as it did. After I read it and re-read it, again and again, each time, through the eyes of someone else. I started to see how much of other people’s business I was potentially airing on my blog.

Every story of mine, is essentially another someone’s story as well. I feel a need to share my story. It helps me. Writing helps me. Sharing it publicly helps me. This may not be the case for another someone though.

I write about others anonymously, as much as possible. My husband is my husband, my kids are my kids, mom is mom, etc. If you know me in ‘real’ life, I cannot “fake” who these people are that I am talking about. As in my abortion story though, not too many people in real life or otherwise, knew who the ex and his wife were that I was talking about. Unless they already knew, they didn’t know.

To me, being mentioned in my blog is an honor. Even if it is only in reference of an event that they inspired, a feeling that they created, it is an honor. By me mentioning them, it means that they have had enough of an impact on my life that it was something I felt worth mentioning. It means that they were, or are (probably both) very, very special to me. Or at least, that they have changed me in some way.

But….

Do they feel the same way? That is the holy grail of questions…. I’ve done a little research into this. My interest simply causing me to notice articles, information, or references to the question in my normal browsing.

Today, it lead me to this post –>Β  ‘Should You Let the Cats Out of the Bag? Blogging About Family and Friends.” I instantly wanted to share it with every single family and friend that I have. I wanted them to understand the struggle that I experience within my writing, as it pertains to them, from my side of the computer screen. Mostly though, I wanted their answers.

Are they okay with me sharing my own perspective of life, when it includes them? I do my very best to ensure their complete anonymity. I know that my stories are only a reflection of my feelings towards an event. That they aren’t always complete fact. I also realize that this is not always conveyed through my writing. Such as the instance of my stating that it was my fault that my ex would never be a Dad.

Of course he can be a dad someday. It was simply to state the depth of guilt that I felt towards their current situation. Even though one has, literally, nothing to do with the other. I spoke what I was feeling, or have felt, not the rational reality of the feelings. For a second, I had even worried that I had implied that they made me feel that way, when they did no such thing.

Potentially, these misunderstandings could have ruined some great relationships and unintentionally hurt some great people. (It didn’t. I am simply using that post as an example of what COULD happen.)

I can not write in fear of what others will think, even those that I am writing about, or I will not be writing my feelings about anything. If it came down to that… there would be no real point in writing at all….

So, what do I do? How do I handle it?

In some ways, I do feel that it is my blog, my way of reaching out (and in) to figure out the stuff that I need figured out. It is mine. If they love me, they will understand, they will respect that. They will feel honored.

But…. Is that pride, is my blog, worth burning a relationship for? I can not confidently say that it is.

What about my mother? What if I talk about some of the hard times growing up?Β  Or my husband, and the rough situations we have survived through…. To some, it may paint a pretty ugly picture. It may cause people to see them in a light that they do not deserve to be seen in, simply, because they are only provided with a piece, of their whole.

Everything in my blog is but a piece to a whole. Nothing is ever, will ever, could ever, be the whole story.

But, to them. To them, it could be everything. Would I hurt them, by speaking my truth? By telling it as I feel? Even knowing, that feelings change significantly as time passes… as we heal. Will it hurt them, if the picture that I paint isn’t the pretty flowers and butterflies that we’d all like to see?

I worry about these things, as I reflect on myself, as I create the essence of my blog, as I share hidden (and not so hidden) stories. Will there ever come a time that I share too much, and lose something, someone, that I could never bare to lose?

Does the answer to the question really matter? Or is it simply enough, to have thought, to ask the question in the first place?

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Categories: 2015

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

22 replies

  1. Sometimes I want to write about an event in my life or something that I’m experiencing, but then I don’t because I’m worried who the readers are and the information that I’m sharing will hurt someone or they will see me in a different light…

    Like

    • That’s my exact problem! There’s a handful of stories that sit in a jumbled, incomprehensible mess in my drafts folder. Simply because halfway through typing them I realized it might not be something worth sharing…. But, I can’t keep “drafting” everything…. It’s nice to hear that I’m not the only blogger struggling through this! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. As a new blogger, I’m struggling with this too. I finally have a place to dump my stories, and now I’m not sure if I should. A perfect example – for years I’ve joked that I should write a book about my husband’s first wife and all of her questionable parenting decisions, awful and/or stupid things she’s done and said. But then what? I know much of it would be news to my adult stepdaughter, and very hurtful. It’s not worth jeopardizing the good relationship I have with her.
    So, although I don’t have many followers yet, and only a handful of family and friends even know about my blog, I know that I’ll have to tread lightly. I honestly don’t know how some writers manage to maintain any of their relationships!

    Liked by 1 person

    • To be 100% honest, I think the real answer is dependent on who is answering. What might greatly offend one person, another will shrug right off and wonder why you were even worried. And most people can’t answer that question for us, until it is too late. It is becoming quickly apparent to me that this is a struggle going on in the back of many bloggers minds, not just my own. The post I linked to here was helpful in putting my fears into words… but if I find anything else that might lead to a definite answer to this age old question, I will most certainly re-blog and/or share!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Darling Daughter, I’m blessed with 3 beautiful children who have journeyed through life with me and with me on the sidelines. We’ve been through hard times, lean times, scary times, joyous times, amazing times, etc, etc, etc. I didn’t always have the best attitude or provide the best atmosphere. I had the same flaw you have ~ I’m only human. Feel free to write and write to feel free !!! ❀ It's ok to say bad things about me, if those things are/were your truth. I've struggled with issues concerning my own Mom (your Grandmom) and that's partly why I am who I turned out to be. I love you Rah, unconditionally, infinately, and beyond anything else I know. So, yes, WRITE !!!!!!!!!!!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Lin & Rah,

      Words again fail me so I can only say this much;

      I am a man, a hard man truth be known. I don’t take crap from anyone and I’m always prepared to back it up if required. And I have been required to a few times in my life. I’ve worked some of the most dangerous jobs in the world, been in a few of the most dangerous places on earth. I’ve seen and done things that most men cannot even imagine doing. (especially those “men” who have never ventured outside of some city that’s full of other “men” just like them).

      I fear only three things in this life; God, myself, and women. Take from that what you will.

      But let me tell you both right here and right now……

      If I was even HALF as Brave and Strong as you two are, I’d be a Real Man.

      And for you Rah, just remember your “only writing prompt ever”. I’m sure your Mother will agree.

      Let “the sword cut who it will”, and if it happens to cut you too; Fully embrace it and let it cut right down to the bone and do what it is created to do.

      Teach and Heal.

      I’m confident you both know the meaning of that much more than many ever will.

      Respect.
      Doc’ & CJ

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I say write away!! Part of blogging is the telling of a story for, sometimes, nothing more than to get it out of your head. Before the internet, it was journals or diaries.. My advise is don’t stop writing a post because you are worried about hurting someone! Finish the post, re-read it and if you think it could hurt someone you’re close to, draft it and show them. See if it would hurt them in any way, get your permission if it makes you feel better, then post it. Not everyone will find a connection with every story you post, sometimes no one will, but if it gets it off of your chest and has served it’s purpose to you then it’s always worth writing!
    PS Love the blog title, I got a little excited when I read it and the Pretty Little Liars theme started playing in my head. I don’t know if you watch or intended for it to remind anyone of it, but I’m a big fan of the show so it just popped in my head. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Reblogged this on rastabarbieblog and commented:
    un avis sur citizen
    mon blog est lΓ  pour partager tous mes coups de coeur
    et pour vous satisfaire, reblogger

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for the re-blog! πŸ™‚

      (And for those that need to know: French to English; Google translate: “an opinion on citizen
      My blog is here to share all my favorites and to satisfy you, reblogger.”)

      Like

  6. Rah ~
    Feel free to go wherever the pen takes you. Life is a journey and just as any performance has a set of characters. Those characters may stay with us for the long haul or disappear throughout our journey only to have others come in to take over their role in a more niche specific way.

    When I write, I often share personal experience to impart wisdom. I try, in most cases, to protect the anonymity as much as possible. However, it is YOUR perspective on an experience. You are not going to have the same perception as someone who accompanies you on your journey. Also, kudos to you for realizing that is a therapeutic venture for you. A space where you can vent and sort out your feelings.

    Keep Writing!
    ~M

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the advice! As much as writing it helps… the feedback does too! Thank you for yours!!

      Speaking of feedback… I was just re-visiting the comments on my ‘Bloggers help me’ post. (different things stick out a few day later) I got to yours, and it was awesome advice, I was intrigued to dig a little deeper. I clicked around to find your blog, tobestripped.wordpress.com. Which brings to me ask, where’d ya go?! And can you link me there? πŸ™‚

      Like

      • Rah ~
        My blog has been an evolution. To me it was too chaotic and jumbled. I have just used http://www.2gooffthecuff.wordpress.com. It has been re-titled to “Through the Looking Glass”. Very much a story about my journey but hopefully a way to impart wisdom non the less. I am FINALLY coming out and speaking openly about my journey.

        I have a lot of experience. More than someone of my twenty-five years should possess. But, I think people need to see the ups and downs in life. I also think that showing the lows will (hopefully) breed an attitude of gratitude when things are on a high.

        I would love to have you stop by and read! I also have many social media sites as well. But, I’ll let you click through my blog at your leisure to decide.

        ~M

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Rah ~
    Also if you are interested & curious I am working on a 2nd blog as well. This is more of a collection of Letters to the Editor, Op-Ed, and Short Copy about social issues & current events.

    http://hotandfreshoffthepress.wordpress.com

    ~M

    Like

  8. Thank you for the re-blog! πŸ™‚ I very much enjoyed reading your take on the topic/response to my post!

    Like

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  1. Because Two Can Keep a Secret, if One of Them … Doesn’t BLOG! — reblogged | Citizen Tom

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